this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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