We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
