she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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