I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Who died my cat blue again?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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