its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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