Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
