Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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