He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When are your genitals available?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
