How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
