Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Umm I'm too high to move.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
