I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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