ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
