So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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