Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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