Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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