I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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