I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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