I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
