walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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