it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did i walk over a car last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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