Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize