i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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