Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
