well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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