I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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