I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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