I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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