Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
