atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
