she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
