I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we should paint friendship bongs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
