Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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