so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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