what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
