Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
