He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
