drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
