Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
