I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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