Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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