the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
