if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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