my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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