Don't you send me to vm
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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