tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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