She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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