I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
