He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
