I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
