A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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