I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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