I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
