Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM VODKA MAN
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
