i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize