Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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