Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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