i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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