3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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