I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
