We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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