It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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