There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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