trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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