I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
