Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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